Real talk rogues.
For years, I've done my best to not use my mental health issues as an excuse for most of anything, due to being told so many times to "grow up" and "stop using your illnesses as a crutch". Instead, I've usually blamed it on a bad day.
I have clinical depression, bipolar disorder, aspergers, and a generalized anxiety disorder. Its all a permanent part of my life that I've had to "grow up" with. I'm on medication for it as well as seeing doctors every couple of months.
And I'm done being hesitant to open up about it out of fear of others not understanding.
Many days I don't even feel like getting out of bed. And when I do its at times hard for me to feel motivated to do anything.
I stay inside most of the time, only usually leaving home for food or when a friend gets me out of the house.
I've lost lots of friends and several relationships due to my depressed episodes and mood swings. If anything, I've been single for 8 years.
I self harmed for over a decade until 2011 when I stopped.
I feel tired often.
I suck at socializing.
And I get sick when around crowds.
Fact is, yea, I'm a fucking nightmare to deal with sometimes, even though I don't want to be hence me trying to better control myself more. If I could just push a button and turn off those sides of me? I would've a long time ago.
And there have been many times that I've hated myself for what I've put people I care about through.
But at the end of the day, no, I don't want to use my conditions as a crutch given I'd rather take responsibility for my actions.
But I'm not going to hide what's wrong with me to appease anyone either.
So, I want to say thank you to those who've known all this about me yet have stayed by me instead of leaving my messages on read and ditching me. Who have done their best to lift me up and motivate me to be a better person.
I'm horribly flawed, but at least I'm trying.
#realtalk #mentalillness #beinghonest #imtrying #onlyhuman #whoiam #selfie #varietystreamer #pcgaming #livestreams #mixer #mixerstreamer - 6 hours ago