Just an update.
These last few months have been the hardest of my life. Ive never known what it was to feel this low and as if all the light and colour has been drained from the world. I feel like everything is hopeless and I'll never be happy again... But i think thats normal. My entire world has been ripped out from under my feet and everything i ever trusted and believed to be true was a lie. That has been the worst thing. Learning that none of it was ever real has been the hardest thing in the world, because it was always so real to me.
I was never special. I was never the love of your life, or the best thing that ever happened to you. I was never going to be the woman you married and who you stayed faithful to.
But i always believed you when you said it. I believed that we would be together forever, i felt it to my very core. I believed we would get married. I believed we would have a family. I believed it was going to be you and me, growing old together. I never once imagined you could be unfaithful... Because I thought what we had was real.
When in reality I was just another name on the list...
I had my first counseling appointment today. I spent 45 minutes explaining how i felt, what had happened and just basically breaking my heart over you again. She listened and when i was done, she put her pen down, leaned forward and asked me the most sobering question "why do you hate yourself so much?" Because i am never good enough. And im so fucking tired of that now.
#heartbreak #heartbroken #pain #brokenhearted #lost #alone #heartbrokenclub #heartbrokenthoughts #heartbrokenquotes #heartbrokenquotes 💔 #heartbrokenthoughts 💔 #heartbrokenedits #heartbrokengang #soulmate #truelove #struggling #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #counselling #gethelp #itsokaynottobeokay - 6 days ago