The physical differences are staggering, but surprisingly, the biggest difference between the two is my perspective on life. So much of my worldview was predicated on being overweight, being viewed and treated a certain way. Rather than blaming myself, I’d just feel like a victim and think it wasn’t my fault I was fat. It was my family’s or x or y, genetics, metabolism, etc. I don’t think I ever truly believed those things, but they felt good to think and repeat aloud. I wasn’t mentally strong enough to accept the reality, accept that regardless of how I got here, I’m accountable for what to do about it.
I wallowed in that state for years, avoiding my weight half the time, feeling self conscious about it in public half the time. Hopping on World of Warcraft or reading books from the moment I got home until the moment I went to sleep, escaping reality as much as possible. Avoiding my reality.
I don’t remember what the initial catalyst was, but somewhere around there, I simply started doing something about it. I think I’d been subconsciously aware I was avoiding my problems for years, but some culmination of events brought my self esteem up just enough to where I was able to start taking action— going to the gym, lifting/eating better, and dropping WoW entirely, cold turkey.
I’m hugely privileged that I lived in an environment where I was easily able to access a gym, easily able to transition to eating healthy, able to be somewhat supported with my decisions. Because of that, my experience and lessons may not be applicable to everyone.
If I had to give some advice, though— you know that thing that you’ve been lying to yourself about forever, that secretly you know is an issue? That nags at you every so often, but you’re just comfortable enough to ignore it and push the thought away temporarily? Confront it. Acknowledge it. Accept blame and accountability. And start taking steps towards doing something about it. It’s freeing, liberating, and the first step in living a life you can truly enjoy, but more importantly, a life where you can truly enjoy yourself.
Don’t let your mind hold you back. You are more than your mind. Take control of your life. - 2 hours ago