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I continued to suffer alone in silence.
Not a soul in the world knew what was going on w/ me.
Secrecy had gripped me w/ a hold I despised & desired.⠀
And I was disgusted w/ myself, repulsed by my affliction.
The behaviors done on an island of isolation.
Destructive patterns I couldn’t explain bc I didn’t understand them.
How had this happened to me?
How had this become my reality?
An intense attachment I had no control of.
Taken by something so deceitfully compelling, it tour my soul, ripped me apart.
And I was in so much pain.
My internal world had never encountered so much hurt.
Pressed on all sides.
Cowering, smaller & smaller.
Further & futher away was me.
Until she was completely lost.
I had no idea who I was anymore.
The secrets accumulated pushing out any ounce of self I had left.⠀
I had lost Annie in the isolation.
But I was not alone in this space, no, I was surrounded.
Surrounded by the voices that linger in the spaces of darkness.
Voices that speak death over a person.
And I believed them, I believed every word they said to me -
I was a waste of a life.
My life contributed only disgut & waste to the world.
The mere fact that my life occupied space was a shame.
If shame wields power over u today & your failures, your weakness has u hiding, I understand. You are gotten, you are seen. Know what is happening, it is shame who is telling u to go to great lengths to keep this hidden. And it is shame telling u, u will be rejected if u are found out. Secrecy is not saftey. I know it feels like it is the only way that ensures saftey. But it is not. Isolation is the breeding ground of lies. Please dont wait as long as I did to tell someone. It takes immense courage to expose your insufficiencies, and this act of humility releases power, the unfolding of ur words gives light. And we know that light shines in the darkness & the darkness cannot overcome it.
If u are afraid, u are not alone.
I understand ur fear & I beleive u can.
I believe in u.
Take the step to tell someone today.
I am so proud of u.
Jesus will take your shame & make it a showcase for his grace. - 29 minutes ago